Ah,
fanfiction… a place where anything is possible. Authors get carried away, and
well, the least we can say is that sometimes, characters get hurt in the
process.
Today, I
searched the whole fanfiction.net website for the weirdest, most disturbing
couples I could find. Consider yourselves lucky for not having to read the
stories that go along with them. Because I had to. And there are some images I
won’t be able to forget.
Like, ever.
5. Harry
Potter / Severus Snape
ngaladel.deviantart.com
The pairing
is surprisingly popular on fanfiction.net. In fact, the top 3 pairings I most
encounter on fanfiction.net would actually be Draco/ Harry (not weird enough to
make it to that list, but still kinda strange); Hermione/ Draco (EXTREMELY
popular) and Severus/ Harry (oh god why).
Snarry is
wrong on so many levels. And I am not
even talking about the age difference, or the fact that Snape is Harry’s
teacher. Those two factors aren’t too
disturbing. I can cope with that. But Severus
Snape, falling in love with Lily’s
son?! Yes, the boy does have his
mother’s eyes and Lily’s personality… but come on; he’s the son of the woman Snape once loved. Harry isn’t Lily. Nor is he
James. He’s a whole different person, and he is very, very unlikely to be attracted to his grumpy potions master. And even
so, Severus Snape would never consider Harry as anything other than James and
Lily’s son. Period.
You
psychos.
4. Severus
Snape / Ron Weasley
Now, that’s
a rare pairing. And I think we can all understand why. I mean, can you actually
imagine the two of them together, enjoying a nice romantic diner on Valentine’s
Day? Because I most certainly can’t.
I actually found
the pairing through Empty Fire, a
fanfiction by TigerLily927 (rated
K+). I thought you might enjoy some quotes:
“He couldn't lie to himself. Even though he had
bedded many men and woman since he was now considered a war hero, not one of
them gave him the passion he desired like the red head gave. He was honestly
shocked to say the least.”
“Not so long ago it seemed that the Professor
was sneering down at the boy for exchanging snickers and giggles between him
and potter in his class. But, over time the man watched the boy lose his young
fearful face, for one of strength and honor due to his role within the war. No
longer could he consider him a child, but a comrade and equal instead.”
I wonder
what Alan Rickman and Rupert Grint would think about it. Now, that would be a
fun question to ask them, wouldn’t it? ;)
3. Hermione
Granger / Flitwick
Filius writing to his beloved one.
Yes. They did
it. Luckily, I only found one fanfiction using the pairing: Waterbed, by Keelia Ann (rated T). I was utterly relieved to learn she wrote it
as a joke. Judge for yourself:
“Professor
Filius Flitwick imagined the look on his precious Hermione's face as she read
his heartfelt letter. First her mouth would drop open in surprise at getting a
letter from her favorite teacher, and then as she read it she would smile
fondly at his eloquent compliments, then gasp and blush at his passionate
proclamation of love. She'd drop the letter and collapse into a chair. She
would be shocked, and a little afraid, but then she would realize how much she
cared about her professor and decide to talk to him.
Yes.
Dear, sweet, Hermione. She was his darling
Hermione, though she would soon be his darling lover. After all, who could
resist a man like Filius ?”
Also, the ending is pure genious:
"Hermione, just one last thing!"
She
stopped--however much she hated it, he was still her teacher!--but refused to
turn around. "Y-yes?"
"I
just want you to remember… I have a waterbed."
A WATERBED?!
How could any woman resist a man with a waterbed?!
GO GET HIM HERMIONE!
2. Hermione
Granger/ Minerva Mc Gonagall
chloe-art.com
Uh, yeah. Awkward. Incredibly weird. Also, in the fanfic I've read, Minerva casually turns into a cat and sleeps on Hermione.
How... cute.
Bet you didn't see that one coming.
1. Hermione
Granger / Dumbledore
Some people
have sick minds. Honestly.
I give you: Headmaster and Headgirl : An Unlikely Love Story, by Seriously Crazy fanboy.
Never has a
pseudonym been more appropriate.
“As per tradition, Dumbledore and Hermione
shared the "Head" Quarters of Hogwarts, the rooms that were reserved
for Headboy and Headgirl. They were two separate rooms and bathrooms although
they shared a corridor so they could be accessed easily. Hermione was now
sleeping in her room and Dumbledore couldn't fall asleep, so he watched
Hermione sleep.”
I love how
casually it is said. “Dumbledore couldn’t
fall asleep, so he watched Hermione sleep”.
A nice way
to say he was stalking her.
Pervert.
“During the war, he felt the need to cut his
beard and trimmed it to a more stylish fashion. He also cut his hair since he
was starting to look like an old maid rather than an esteemed warlock. That
realization was again thanks to Hermione who also got him a wardrobe upgrade.
Needless to say, the Order was pleasantly surprised when he walked into the
meeting wearing a classy tuxedo and carrying a briefcase.
Fashion
Dumbledore. Epic.
SPOILER :
he proposes to her in the end.
So that’s
it, hope you enjoyed it!
If you can think of any other weird pairing, comment
and I might do a part 2!