We Need To Talk About Pottermore

PTFCTLS. No, this is not a new kind of stupid acronym (we’ve had enough of that with yolo, thank you), but rather what you’ll find yourself typing all day long on the notorious Pottermore website, publically launched in March 2012. PTFCTLS. Petrificus Totalus. Now, if you find yourself quite skilled at pressing keys rhythmically, you might get lucky and score over 142 points, which will (almost) surely guarantee your victory over your opponent. Surely it cannot be that hard. Ok, so now you’re about to get into your first real duel (training is for pussies). Concentration now, here it comes. Relax. Take a few breaths and… P-T-F-C-T-L-S. Wow, look at you! Gryffindor house just won 5 points thanks to you – surely they’ll win the House Cup this year. Better go duel another filthy Slytherin!

                                           

Now, you might want to try some other spells – the Curse of Bogies sure looks like a lot of fun, and Incendio would do the job just right- but, well, it seems they all are pretty useless and make you look like a noob to your fellow companions (PTFCTLS experts). Some even sent you a “friend invitation” that kinda seemed to mean «I’m adding you as a friend because you’re so bad I want to duel the shit out of you». After a few minutes, you’ll find the only way to really gain points is to use Petrificus Totalus over and over again. Ok, fine, if it really is the only way, you’ll do it.

After 10 minutes, you find yourself extremely bored. Bored, and frustrated over those robot/aliens who actually seem to score 144 or 145 every damn time (how is that even possible?! Did they follow intensive duel training or something?!). But how did this happen? It all started so well. You got sorted into Gryffindor (the cooler house, duh), bought a super-mega-foxy-awesome wand at Ollivanders, discovered a book of spells (with a video in it, how awesome is that, no need to read a book anymore JK Rowling just appears and tell you what’s in it)… Everything was going smoothly. You even tried to brew a few potions but failed miserably and decided that potions were a Slytherin thing anyway. So, why do you suddenly find yourself… bored?

                                                                               Oops.

Here’s your answer: because there’s nothing much left to do once you’ve explored all the chapters. You can still duel people, but it is repetitive and can be frustrating when you know some people just cheat and let a program do it all day long for them (because, I mean, earning points on a website designed for children is obviously vital to some people). I actually got so bored I sent some salt and pepper to complete strangers. Yeah. I did that. Don’t judge me.

It is kind of disappointing. I mean, the world of Harry Potter is supposed to be full of discoveries, and wonders, and magic amazingness. It shouldn’t bore you!

Now, I am not saying Pottermore is a terrible project: the illustrations are pretty damn cool, and it is really exciting to learn new things about our favorite characters, objects, etc. in the wizarding world. Some of the mini-games are fun to play and at least show that the Pottermore team realized it should be a little more dynamic. But unfortunately, it doesn’t compensate for the obvious flaws of the website. The biggest flaw would be the lack of action due to the fact that the player isn’t actually… playing. I understand Pottermore isn’t supposed to be a game like the ones released for PC, PS3, etc., but it is still supposed to be entertaining and fun, and to allow the user to experience the wizarding world like he never did before. But how can he do that if he cannot actually interact with it? Of course we can pick up objects and use some of them to brew potions but that’s about it.

I think I speak for all the fandom when I say I want to be able to raise my wand and dodge spells during duels! I actually dread for the Quidditch (which isn’t unlocked yet), please don’t let it be as repetitive and boring as the duels! A Quidditch mini-game, for example, would be awesome. Honestly. Guys. Don’t disappoint me.

Anyways, I am still curious about what they’ll come up with in the future. And still praying for a Harry Potter MMORPG. Think about it: being able to walk around the castle at your wish, learning new spells to gain levels, playing Quidditch against other houses… not mentioning how awesome it would be to role-play with friends in the common rooms. Just saying. But in the meantime, well… I’ll perfect my PTFCTLS skills. Watch out, Pottermore. 

Slytherin’s about to gain a hell of a lot of points.